


Welcome to the Office, Blueberry!

by Markiplier_Egos



Category: Markiplier Egos, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ethan is in way over his head, Meet the Egos, Warfstache is a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-07-03 21:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15826956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markiplier_Egos/pseuds/Markiplier_Egos
Summary: Ethan really thought the craziest thing he’d ever experience was having his idol turned friend invite him to move cross country for YouTube. Unfortunately, that was only the tip of the iceberg.





	1. What do you mean real??

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just posting this as a test story for all my work on Tumblr, I'll see what I think and load the rest up later if I like it :D

Ethan tossed his set of keys on the kitchen counter as he entered Mark’s house. He listened to the house only to find it silent, which was odd since Mark and Chica were suppose to be home. Right as he was going to call out for the older man, a yellow and pink form appeared in the doorway. He raised an eyebrow before shrugging.

“We doing an ego video today then?” 

Mark grinned behind his pink mustache, lips spread so far it must be painful.

“Not sure yet, blueberry. Still working out some of the… Details,” 

The slurred drawl made Ethan snort before turning towards the fridge.

“Okay cool,” He said, rummaging through the fridge for last night leftover Chinese food, “We can go over ideas if you want, just let me heat some of this up. Tyler texted a bit ago saying he was leaving his doctor’s appointment so he should be here-” He stopped talking as he heard the back door open. Weird no one else was supposed to be here…

“Who’s an adorable baby girl~” 

Ethan’s blood ran cold as he heard Mark coo at Chica from down the hall, “You are, oh yes you are Chica-bica.”

Ethan’s eyes were locked with the man across the island from him.

“Yo Ethan, you here yet?” Mark called out, “I wanted to run some of these ideas past you before Tyler gets here,”

“We’re in the Kitchen Mr. Mark-le-plier!” Wilford answered. Ethan heard Mark swear and feet pounding on the floor before he saw him appear in the doorway from the corner of his eye. Chica shot past him towards the brightly dressed man who fell to the floor with an excited squeal.

“Oh, Miss. Chica, you’re looking lovely as always,” was laughed out as Chica licked his face. It wasn’t until a large hand gripped Ethan’s forearm did he look away from the man on the floor up to an almost identical looking face. Mark placed himself between the laughing man and Ethan before turning back to the blue-haired man.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked glancing over his pale friend, “He didn’t hurt you did he?”

“Please tell me this is some weird dream,” 

Mark let out a hollow laugh,“I wish,”

“Secret twin brother?” 

Mark raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, have you met my family? There’s no way I could hide a twin,”

“I’m in some weird ass coma dream?” 

Mark sputtered at that last one, eyes wide not knowing what to say for a couple of seconds before he threw up his hands.

“Why the hell would you be in a coma?!” He screeched indignantly as the… being behind him laughed.

“I don’t know,” Ethan replied back at equal volume, “Maybe I accidentally forgot to ask in a new place used peanut oil or some shit!” Mark paled as Wilford fell silent, Ethan hardly noticed until a flash of pink light appeared behind and a hand squeezed his shoulder. He whipped around coming face to face with a stoic-looking Wilford, a heavy scent of candy apples hitting the blue-haired man full force. The look on his face was enough to send a shiver down Ethan’s spine, even without him thinking about how only a second before Wilford had been across the room.

“Now, Now Ethan, my boy,” His voice was slow as if talking to a child, “ Markaham doesn’t like to think about friends playing that kind of jokes on him,”

“What kind of jokes?” Ethan couldn’t help but ask, mind trying in vain to restart.

“Pretending to be dead and leaving him, of course!” Wilford said. Ethan opened his mouth to ask what he’s talking about when Mark broke in.

“We’ve been over this Wilford. When people die in this plane, they stay dead,” Wilford frowned.

“That’s not very fun!”

“It’s not supposed to be!”

“Well, I guess those jokes aren’t much fun in the first place,”

“Not everything is a joke Wil!” 

Ethan squeaked, stumbling out from between the two snapping men. Mark stopped, throwing a glare at Wilford before he turned back to the younger man.

“How about we move this to the living room?”

Ethan felt his head nod as Mark ushered him onto the coach. Wilford followed rocking back and forth on his heels across the room. Mark sighed, wincing a bit before leaning against the arm of the couch. He gestured at the pink haired man.

“Ethan met my oldest ego. Wilford Warfstache, manic reporter, possible psychopath, and an all-around pain in my ass.”

Wilford swept into a deep and dramatic bow.

“A pleasure to finally meet you in the flesh, Blueberry,” Wilford proclaimed, smile wider then looked possible. Ethan’s eyes flicked between the two men letting the silence overtake the room.

“This,” He finally broke the uncomfortable silence after several long minutes, eyes settling on Mark’s serious face, “This is actually real. HE’s real?!” 

Wilford laughed heartily, “He got it together quicker than most!”

Ethan stiffened as the… ego gestured wildly with his gun. That thing was plastic, right? It had been when he had messed with it at the office last week, but no he wasn’t so sure. 

Mark simply rolled his eyes at the man he had just described as a maniac waving a gun around.“Shut up Wil. We were going introduce him to you guys soon,” 

Wilford pouted crossing his arms.

“It’s been a month!” He whined, “I’m not the only one getting bored you know,”

“It has not, it’s hardly been three weeks!” 

Ethan broke in, not able to hold his tongue any longer, “How the actual FUCK!” 

Mark chuckled slightly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Long story,” He said, “The basics are Wil here is a figment of me brought to life by the fans and their belief in him-”

“The official term is Tulpa,” Wilford said, breaking in a proud smile on his face, “A being brought to life by a mental power. Oh, you should have seen Mark’s face the first time I made an appearance! He thought he was going crazy for over a month before I decided to appear when he was with Wade and Bobert, they all had a conniption!” Mark growled, glaring at the other man.

“Yes, because having a psycho with my exact face pop out of fucking nowhere is totally normal,”

“It is to you,”

“Well, it is now! You don’t leave me the hell alone!” 

Ethan couldn’t help, but feel slightly amused as the pair started squabbling, Mark’s voice slipping into an exasperated fondness as Wilford’s smile faded from manic to content.

“This isn’t what I expected to come back to.” 

The pair stopped mid-sentence, eyes flashing over to the door, not moving back from each other’s faces. Ethan glanced up to see Tyler standing in the entryway, arms crossed over his chest.

“Ah, the man of unusual size has returned!” Wilford greeted, wiggling his fingers at him.

“Wilford, let me guess, you decided to ignore Mark’s order to let us break this to Ethan gently because you were bored?”

“Got it in one, Chap!”

“And you two,” He continued, “Got distracted by your lover’s quarrel to actually explain what’s happening?” Ethan let out a startled laugh at the sputtering pair that sprung apart, disgust growing on both their faces.

“Gross, Tyler!” Mark whined, nose wrinkled, “He’s literally me… if I was a pink obsessed serial killer,”

“Hey now,” Wilford said, “I’ve never killed any cereal.”

“Enough,” Tyler’s voice cut over the impending argument, “Ethan needs an explanation,”

“They told me some stuff, like him being here because the fans want him to be real and stuff, and how he made Mark think he was going crazy before freaking out Bob and Wade,” 

Tyler snorted, “Better than my introduction to them. I almost got stabbed when I met Mark’s superpowered imaginary friends,”

Ethan’s eyes widen.

“Them? Friends? As in plural? Are all the fucking egos alive?” Ethan ranked his brain trying to make a list of all the characters Mark created over the years, but there were too many. Mark cut back in.

“Only the most well known and loved ones~” 

A pink cloud appeared on Ethan’s lap fading to reveal a grinning Wilford, the smell of candy apples renewing. He seems to ignore the fact that Ethan looks ready to bolt as the ego continued.

“Oh yes, it’s me, my partner in crime Bimbo, the good old Doctor, Mr. Roboto, Hosty bosty, The rodent monarch, The sexy scary school girl and of course, Darkipoo.”

Ethan’s minds whirls trying to figure out which characters Wilford is talking about. His mouth works quicker than his mind as a question slipped out.

“Why the fuck does it smell like a carnival threw up?” 

Wilford looked sat up scandalized as Mark double over, clutching his gut as he laughed, Tyler giggling helplessly next to them. Wilford huffs as he leaves Ethan’s lap, mumbling to himself as he paces the room.

“Of all the things for you to be worried about at this given moment” Mark finally gasps out, “You’re asking about how his pink cloud smells like fair food?” Ethan blushed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Excuse me for trying to ignore the fact that half the egos he listed off are killers… I think at least? I mean you implied stuff in the videos, but didn’t always come out and say they were serial killers,”

“Nah,” Tyler laughed, “I’m pretty sure at least half of them would kill people if given the chance,”

“I made it so they don’t” Mark piped in raising his hands in defense, “ They just have to work out their murderous desires in other ways,”

“That’s very reassuring,” 

Mark shrugged helplessly, a weariness settling on his face.

“You learn to live with what you can get when your psyche literally shatters into a million pieces and becomes new personas any time you want to make a joke.”

Ethan winced, only for Mark to wave it off.

“Oh don’t get so put off, I’ve made my peace with whatever curse is placed on YouTube that makes egos come life.” 

Before Ethan could respond, the front door banged open, and a mechanical whirl was heard walking towards them.

“Oh looks like my escort has finally arrived,” Wilford said, waving his fingers slightly as another Mark look-alike appeared in the doorway. With his shaggy hair, simple blue shirt and glow G shining on his chest it was easy for Ethan to conjure his name up.

“Hey Google,” Tyler greeted, as Mark just sighed as Google tilted his head.

“Gr-Greetings Tyler,” His voice skipped slightly over the words.

“Let me guess,” Mark started, “Wil left right before a meeting and Dark is throwing a fit?” The android nodded, advancing on the pinkette.

“Dark is-is not impr-pressed with Wilford’s disappear-ance,” he explained, “I have been sent to retrieve-retrieve him,” 

Wilford pouts.

“Alllllllright,” He sighs, “I just need to do one more thing before we leave,” Google’s eye seems to twitch before he nods.

“Hurry u-up then.” 

Wilford smirks before diving onto the couch, wrapping his arms around Ethan’s waist, placing his knife against his neck.

“Isn’t my new friend adorable googs~” He sings, the others freezing around him. Google’s blue eyes flashed over the scene.

“I was under the impre-resssion you wished-wished not to tell Eth-Ethan of our ex-ex-existence yet,” Google said blandly, ignoring Ethan’s pleading eyes. Mark refused to tear his eyes off of the pair but replied.

“I didn’t Wil had other ideas though,” Tyler made a move forward only for Wilford to tighten the knife more.

“Ah Ah,” He laughs at Tyler, “No need to be hasty-” 

Ethan rammed his head back against Wilford’s nose, twisting from his grip, grabbing the knife from his hands as he sprang up from the couch. Without a second thought, he ran behind the others, pinning himself to the wall behind them. Mark and Tyler simply stared at the small boy, back to Wilford that was clutching his nose in pain.

“Is-Is your t-t-test complete yet?” 

They all turned to google who had his arms crossed across his chest. Wilford pulled his hands away from his face, smiling widely despite the blood dripping down his face.

“Yup, Yup!” He skipped over to Google, snapping his fingers. Ethan yelped as the knife in his hand vanished and reappeared in the pink psycho’s.

“What the fuck Wilford?!” Mark demanded. Google raised an eyebrow at him.

“It’s tra-tradition to see if the introduc-tions in-to the Office include a death threat,” He said, “We thought you-you were aw-aware of this. It’s to in-sure they can handle the more-ore unstable sides of the egos. If not then-then the saner of the egos-Egos work to pro-protect th-em until they-they learn to defend them-selves.”

Ethan’s eyes widen, before glancing at the stunned men in front of him.

“You handled yourself nicely, we shouldn’t have to worry about you too much tomorrow,” Wilford said, “Tootles~” 

In a flash of pink the egos vanished, leaving the three men alone. Mark removed his glasses, rubbing his face with a groan.

“We’re taking a day off today,” He said, collapsing on the recliner, “ We’re gonna need all our energy for when they demand all us at the Office tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll text Kat,” Tyler said, “I’m sure she’ll bring some Indian food,”

“Amy will probably grab ice cream when I tell her why we’re having a light work day today,” Mark mumbled pulling his phone out. Ethan nodded silently taking a deep breath before walking out of the room.

“Where you going?” Tyler called after him. He glanced back as he climbed the stairs.

“Borrowing Mark’s laptop,” He said, “If we’re not recording today I should get some editing done,”

“Yeah, no,” He heard Mark call before the man seemingly appeared behind him, swinging him onto his shoulder and started to carry him back down the stairs. Ethan yelped in shock, pounding on Mark’s back lightly.

“What the hell dude! Put me down,” He complained.

“Not happening,” He laughed, tossing him on the couch.

“You are on strict relax mode today,” Tyler said, as Mark went over the tv and started fiddling with one of the game systems.

“I’m fine and we have to do something,” He whined, trying to get up.

“Kathryn and I will do some editing and post a video or two for both of our channels. You’re giving your brain a rest from the mind fucking it just experienced,” Mark commented, shoving him back down, before handing him a Wii controller. A quick glance at the screen revealed Mario Kart 8 was cued up and ready to go. He sighed settling back.

“You guys aren’t giving me a choice are you?” Mark laughed ruffling his hair.

“We’ll let you pick what cup were competing for,” Ethan’s lips quirked up against his will as he entered Grand Prix mode. He slowly relaxed as his friends plopped down next to him, the fears of tomorrow being drowned out by colorful graphics and playful shoving.


	2. Welcome!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan is seriously reconsidering his life decisions, but it’s too late to turn back. He’s in on the secret of the Egos now, and it’s time to meet the crew of eccentric personalities Mark has accidentally brought to life.

Tyler and Mark drove Ethan towards their office, all of them growing more nervous and uneasy the closer they got, not even turning on the music they normally jammed out to on the ride over. Ethan tapped his hand against his leg, mind running over all of the ego videos he had watched the night before after the others had dropped him off back at his place.

“Alright,” Mark finally broke the heavy silence that was taking over the car, “So some of the egos aren’t what you’re expecting and don’t act that much like their video appearances-”

“Well there goes my prep,” Ethan thought, sinking down in his seat, as Mark continued

“-but Google emailed me this morning to tell me he and Wilford told them to expect you so they should act pretty normal and not freak out when they see you,”

“Have they freaked out before?” Ethan almost regretted his words as Mark winced in front of him.

“Yeah, I didn’t warn them before I brought Kathryn over the first time. Yandere did not take that well,”

“He thought you were cheating on Amy. Of course, he didn’t like that,” Tyler laughed, “He ships you guys more than the fans do,” Mark snorted, some of the tension leaving the car.

“You know, Yandere likes Amy so much, he actually gave me the shovel talk, in case I ever thought of hurting her,” Mark whined making Ethan and Tyler laugh as they imagine Mark getting lectured by his pseudo twin in a skirt. Ethan smiled, feeling slightly more comfortable with the idea then he was yesterday, before asking another question.

“So anything else I should know about the egos before we get there?”

Mark hummed shrugging. “Let’s see, This is your first visit so they should be pretty tame, or as tame as they can get, I can’t see any of them trying to harm you as long as you hang with one of us. Amy and Kathryn are also meeting us there so everything should go over smoothly today.” The blue haired man nodded as they pulled up to the office, where Amy and Kathryn were just walking up to the front door. Taking a deep breathe the Mainer followed his friends to the door.

“You doing okay, Ethan?” He looked up at Amy who was watching him with concern.

“Y-Yeah,” He said, “a little nervous, but I’ll be okay.“ She nodded, smiling softly.

“Yeah, We’ve all been there,” she told him. Kathryn, Tyler, and Amy shared a look that spoke of memories from the past as Mark winced.

“I’m so sorry,” Mark said softly making Kathryn snort as she brushed past the man, to open the door.

“Mark if you apologize for the egos existing again I’ll tell Bim he’s supposed to help you edit all day today,”

“Please no,”

“Don’t be an idiot then,”

Tyler laughed at the snapping remark before turning to Ethan.“If you’re worried about anything going wrong, stick with Kathryn,” The tall man told him, “They’re all afraid of her wrath,”

“For good reason,” Kathryn glared at Mark’s mumbled comment.

“Well I’m so sorry for sending Dark to the clinic,” She grumbled, “He and Yandere did try to kill me,”

“You earned their respect before you even opened your mouth because you managed to stab Dark in the gut with Yandere’s sword,” Amy teased, “It’s impressive,”

“Not to mention you’re terrifying when you start yelling and ordering them around,”

She winced at Tyler’s playful comments. “Can we not mention me making Bim cry? I still feel horrible about that,”

Mark laughed as he ushered everyone towards his recording studio. “He forgives you, it was pretty much his fault anyway,”

“It was Wilford’s fault, not his,”

“He was using his powers to push Wil further than he was planning on going.”

Kat stopped eyes narrowing. "He did what?”

Ethan cut in before Mark could say anything. “What exactly are his powers?” The smirk on Mark’s face sent a shiver down his spine.

“They prefer to explain their own powers, but let’s just say we really underrepresented his abilities in his video,” Mark’s cryptic answer made Ethan groan.

“Okay, can you guys at least tell me which ones are dangerous?”

They all shared a look before Amy shrugged, “I mean any of them could be dangerous, but Mark’s told them not to hurt any of us so we should be fine,”

“I’d say you only really have to watch Dark, Yandere, and Wilford. They seem to be the ones that forget the rules most often,” Mark listed off, entering the recording room, not even bothering to flick on the lights.

“They’re an eldritch horror, a psycho, and Yandere,” Kathryn snorted,“ do you really expect anything else?”

“Nope!” Mark said with mock cheer, “Let’s just get this over with,”

He walked calmly over to a door that Ethan could have sworn was not there the last time he was there, and twisted it open. Ethan’s eyes widened as it opened on a daunting hallway with lush wine-colored carpets and pearly white walls.

“How the fuck?” He whispered as they filed through the door, there was a large window to his left detailing a thick forest, nothing like the scalding heat they just left.

“Welcome,” They all turned to see Wilford at the end of the hallway with a big dopey grin, “To the Office!” Confetti erupted from the ceiling making Ethan and Amy jump, as the sweet smelling paper rained down on them.

“Wil,” Kat said tightly, “We’ve talked about making unnecessary messes in the Office,” Wilford pouted.

“But this is necessary!” He argued, “It’s not every day we meet new people,”

“Fair,” She allowed, “Just make sure you clean this up before Dark sees it and blows a gasket.” He grinned snapping his fingers. With a puff of candy apple smoke, the confetti vanished and Wilford was right in front of Ethan.

“Welcome my boy!” He cheered, swinging an arm around his shoulders, “As I said this is the Office! Also known as Ego Inc. but Markimoo decided the Office was less suspicion sounding in case anyone overheard you humans talking!” Ethan nodded, the others had explained this already but it was probably best not to test the unstable man.

“Wil,” Amy said, “Please let Ethan go.” Wil smiled, zooming over to Amy bowing as he took her hand.

“Miss Amy!” He greeted, kissing her knuckles, “You look as breathtaking as ever!”

“Hey!” Mark whined, wrapping an arm around her waist, “Get your own!” Wil waggled his eyebrows.

“Is it considered stealing if I’m technically you?”

“Yes!” Amy laughed at her boyfriend’s indignant squawk, pulling away from them.

“Come on we got to introduce Ethan to everyone,” She said before the two men could start arguing.

“Oh they’re all dying to see you, Blue Boy,” Wil laughed merrily, “Let’s start with the Doc! I think he and Googs are in his clinic,”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Mark grimaced, “He’s gonna want to do a medical exam before we go and meet the others. Come on, Eth,”

“Wait,” Ethan asked as he was lead away, “What do you mean Medical exam?”


	3. Easing you in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Iplier is ready to start Ethan’s journey into the madness.

“Doctor~” Wilford sang, banging the double teal metal doors into a large room, filled of freshly made beds and large white curtains. A large crash sounded from one of the corners.

“GODDAMMIT NURSE!” They whipped around in time to see a dark blur vanish through one of the many doors around the premier. Mark and Amy ran ahead, others following on their heels. There was a man on the ground, surrounded by a bunch of scattered bandages and shattered bottles.

“Having fun down there Doc?” Kathryn asked, shaking with laughter. He glared at her as he sat up, brushing his dark hair out of his face.

“Less Sass, more helping me,” He snapped. Tyler held out a hand and he gave a half smile as he was hefted upright. His grin grew larger as he spotted Ethan.

“Ah, the elusive Ethan! I’m Doctor Iplier, but feel free to call me Doctor or just Doc, almost everyone here does,” He greets holding out a hand for the boy to shake, “I’ve heard a lot about you from everyone.” Ethan couldn’t help but smile, grabbing the man’s hand. He jumped back, shock painting his face as he gazed down at his blood covered hand. The doctor raised his own hand for all to see without a second thought.

“How did you miss that you slit your palm open?” Mark asked, smirking teasingly at the man.

Wilford giggled, leaning on Mark’s shoulder with an identical look on his face.“You sure you’re a doctor, doc?”

Dr. Iplier growled at both of them. With a soft white glow, Ethan yelped as he watched the man’s skin knit itself back together. After a second all that remained was the drying blood. After it sealed the doctor pointed a finger at the giggling pair, eyes narrowed.

“Shut up both of you, or do I need to mention I had both of you in here at the same time,” Mark and Wilford held their hands up in surrender.

“In my defense,” Wilford said, “I had no idea you could break a stripper pole,”

“We swore we’d never speak of that again!” Mark growled, the tips of his ears flushing pink.

“I’m curious now,” Amy said, bending down and picking up the glass and bandages off the floor with Kathryn’s help, “Name your price, Doc.” He smirked evilly at the others, before shaking his head.

“We’ll discuss that later, right now I need to clean this up and start Ethan’s exam,” A whirl behind them announced another ego entering the room.

“I’ll han-handle the mess, Doc-Doctor,” Google said, entering from one of the side rooms, “It’d be advis-able to st-art his exam now so they may show him the rest of the egos,“ Doc screwed up his mouth, but nodded.

“Alright,” He allowed, before turning to the rest of them, hands on his hips, “Now out, all of you. I’m sure Ethan doesn’t want you present during his exam.” Mark crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrow raised.

“You know the rules Doc,” He said. Doc blinked then rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Any new human in on the secret stays with another human during the first visit to ensure no confusion or accidents occur,” The doctor recited as if the rule had pounded into his head. He waved a hand dismissive hand at them and started walking away, “Alright decide which one of you is staying. Wil, get out before Bim gets anxious about you leaving without telling him and accidentally turns something into a cactus. Ethan’s bed is between King’s and Kathryn’s,”

Ethan just stares at all of them as Wilford pouts and poofs away.

“I don’t get a say on if I have a medical exam do I?”

Kat laughs. “He’ll hunt you down with a syringe of elephant tranquilizer if you try and skip your appointments,” She told him. He turned to Mark, worry making his voice rise in pitch.

“Please tell me he’s not as crazy as Medic from Team Fortress 2.” For a split second they grow silent before Amy falls back on the bed they’re in front of pearls of laughter trickling out of her lips. The rest of the group hang onto each other to keep themselves upright. Even Google bends his head, shoulders shaking.

“I’m going to take that as a yes,” He said dully, feeling better even as they laughed at him.

“No ani-animal bo-dy parts will-will be add-added to your per-son,” Google responded.

“Good enough for me,” he sighed, “who’s staying with me?”

“I’ll stay,” Kat said, linking arms with Ethan, “Come on Blue boy, Doc will get impatient with we take too long,”

“We’ll meet you back in the living room,” Amy said as she linked her hand with Mark’s head out, Tyler waving at them as he followed them out. Ethan blinked in shock, but let himself be lead through the maze of curtains.

“Uhhh…” He started, pink rising into his cheeks, “Isn’t this going to be awkward?” She rolled her eyes.

“If Doc tells you that you need to take off anything more than your shirt then he’s messing with you,”

“Take away all my fun, why don’t you Kathryn?” Ethan jumped as Mark’s face appeared from behind one of the curtains. Not Mark, his mind corrected, the Doctor’s. He forced his blush down as Kathryn waltzed into the makeshift room. It was a decent size, three of the four sides were blocked off my huge white sheets, a cabinet in one corner and a plush chair in the other, a bed in the middle.

“He asked if he had to worry about you sticking a baboon heart in him, Doc,” She smirked evilly, “I think he deserves a bit of a break.” Doc’s face split into a wide grin, eyes sparkling as Ethan blushed.

“I’m flattered you’d compare me to the Medic but I try not to open up people unless it’s necessary,”

Kat hummed as she wandered over to the chair, “Or Wil pisses you off,”

His grin turned cheeky and he didn’t even deny the editor’s comment. “Let’s get started, shall we?” Ethan blinked and there was suddenly a scale next to him.

“Whoa…” He whispered. The doc looked overly pleased with his reaction.

“All egos have minor reality warping abilities, the closer an object is related with our ‘persona’ the less energy it takes to bring it into creation,” He said as Ethan toed off his shoes and stepped on the scale, standing as straight and shoulders back. Doc raised his eyebrows but went to work.

“You seem to know the drill when it comes to a regular physical,” the ego broke the silence after writing down the measurements.

“Had to have one every year since third grade so that I could compete in gymnastics,” Ethan said with a shrug. The doctor perked up.

“A gymnast? That explains the muscle definition and flexibility,” He mumbled to himself taking that down, “On the bed, shirt off.”

“Buttering him up before you get your claws in him, Doc?” Kathryn asked from her chair making both men laugh.

“Oh yes,” Ethan chuckled, “This whole thing is a ploy to make crankiplier canon.” Iplier couldn’t help but giggle as Ethan pronounced his name at the end instead of how Mark used the word.

“I’m sure the fangirls would love to see this,” He laughed, placing his hands lightly on Ethan’s sides, prodding at the organs under the thin barrier, fingers glowing. Ethan gasped as the movement sent an almost pins and needle feeling through him, warmth spreading over his body.

“What are you doing?” He asked, trying not to squirm.

“My magic details the inner workings through skin to skin contact,” the even reply came, hands running over his ribs, and Ethan noticed Doc’s eyes were closed as he moved around the back of the bed, hands tracing up the younger man’s spine, “I can see all your organs, bones and tissues, as well as feel if there are any problems in a matter of seconds.” The hands pull back and the doc is back to his clipboard.

“Allergic to Peanuts,” he heard the ego whispering, “has glasses, but can get along fine without them. No internal injuries currently, but should stay away from mushrooms this week,”

“Wait, mushrooms?” The doctor looked up startled as if he forgot Ethan was in front of him. Kathryn snorted at their shocked faces.

“You went off on a tangent again Doc,” She teased, “predicting his death already?”

He blushed, pulling at his ear,“Not death, a bad case of food poisoning.”

Ethan stared at him in disbelief,“You can see the future?” The doctor waved his hand from side to side in an uncertain manner.

“Not quite,” He corrected, “That’s more of the Host’s domain. I just see what’s most likely to lead to health problems, physical and mental, or death for those I use my magic on, ”

“So you see bad mushrooms messing with me sometime this week?” The nod Ethan’s question received was hesitant. At his questioning look, Doc sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I don’t normally like telling people in advance about these things unless they’re fatal,” He explained, “Sickness and accidents happen, but living paranoid of anything I mention can be more detrimental to someone’s health than a twisted ankle or food poisoning,”

“You should have seen Bim when Doc let slip that he’d have an allergic reaction to an unknown plant,” Kat told Ethan, “The kid wouldn’t sleep or eat for three days before Wilford tied him down and force fed him a hamburger.”

The doctor winced,“We were changing things back from lava lamps for a week.” Ethan snorted.

“That sounds like an interesting time,” he said, pulling his shirt back on.

Kat shrugged, “You get used to it after a while, blue boy,”

“That’s what I’m worried about,”

She patted him on the back, grinning at Doc,“Anything else you need to record?” He shook his head and smiled.

“I think I’m good for now. Make sure you both don’t overwork yourselves today. Introducing someone to this place is stressful for everyone involved,” He said, glancing over the top of his clipboard at them, “Any questions from you Ethan?”

Ethan bit his lip before asking, “Is the Nurse like another egos or…” He trailed off as Kathryn sighed, burying her head in her hands. The Doctor laughed, eyes twinkling darkly.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Don’t even try,” Kathryn’s muffled voice just makes smirk wider, “He refuses to tell anyone, and no one has ever seen the Nurse before, past a hecking blur running away after knocking things over,”

“Not my fault none of you can figure it out,” Doctor told them before leading Ethan and a reluctant Kat out of the makeshift room and back towards the outer wall,“Speaking of the Nurse, I need to go make sure she hasn’t broken anything else, but it was nice to meet you, Ethan. I can see why Mark was so excited to have you come and join us.”

Ethan flushed lightly and smiled at the doctor.“Yeah, it was fun meeting you too,” 

The doctor gave him a lopsided grin before disappearing into the maze of white once more. Kat grinned, ruffling Ethan’s hair.

“One down, seven more to go,” She said, making him wince, “But Doc is probably the easiest ego to get along with,”

“Well that’s lovely,” He grouched, as they made their way to the entrance of the clinic.

“Hey it could be worse,” She told him, “You already kinda know Wil and Google which means you got two of the worst out of the way,”

“I kinda get why Wilford would be considered bad, but what’s wrong with Google?” He questioned, “He didn’t seem too bad despite the whole secondary objective thing.” Kat smiled at him.

“You’re not wrong,” She says, “The whole ‘emotionless android’ thing just takes some getting used to. He’s still learning social cues and stuff, but then again he’s not the only one.” He nodded as he pushed open the doors.

“Yeah, but this whole situation takes some getting used to,” He countered and she laughed.

“Don’t I know it.” Before their conversation could continue a puff of pink smoke engulfed Ethan. He felt an arm wrap around his waist.

“Wilford!” He heard Kat yell angrily into the cloud before he felt his body going deathly cold. He met Wilford’s grinning eyes in confusion. Kathryn stood next to him, frozen an angry scowl etched on her face. The air around him was too bright, as if the colors were turned all the way up, the whole hallway around them intensely in focus.

“Hello, Blueberry!” Wilford greeted, “Come on we have the studio ready for your first interview!” Ethan gazed slightly fearful at the journalist, before turning back to the hallway.

“Ummmm, where are we?” He asked, making the ego blink glancing around as if he didn’t realize anything different until the other man pointed it out.

“Ah!” Wilford gasped, twirling a finger in his mustache, “This is my limbo realm! It comes and goes as it pleases, but enough about that we have an interview to get to!”

“Wait!” He squawked as the pink mustachio tried to drag him off, “Isn’t there a rule that I have to have another person with me?” Wilford scoffed.

“Rules, smules,” He said, “That’s just to make sure you don’t get overwhelmed or hurt, but you’ll be fine!” The young man bit his lip but decided to just let the ego lead him forward. He only half listened to the tangent Wilford was going off on about the interview as he heard garbled whispers around him, the walls warping.

“How dare you try and steal what’s Amy’s!” was heard in a large kitchen.

“Promise you won’t tell Kat and Mark about this?” came from the outside of the clinic, didn’t they just leave there?

"Is it stealing if I’m technically you?” Wasn’t that what Wilford said the last time he was in this hall?

“I don’t normally have to explain things, the others usually take care of that,” a different hall, right next to the kitchen it seemed.

“Lean back and relax. You’re not alone in this,” a cozy looking living room echoed with the words fading to a different angle on the same room as the next voice piped up.

“We didn’t want to worry you,”

“I am happy, thank you for this Mark,” The mechanical whirl of the futuristic room almost drowned out the words.

“Our creator needs a word with us, Warfstache,” They seemed to stop in the studio where these words danced in his ears.

Each voice sounded oddly like Mark’s but not quite, was that the egos’ voices coming from thin air? A flash of pink overtook his senses pulling him back to the real world, literally. He stumbled as the intensity of sounds and lights on the stage made his head spin, before fading back to a normal level of overwhelming. Two strong arms grabbed his shoulders as he forced his eyes to refocus.

He came face to face with Mark who stared at him in concern.

“Are you alright? Going through Wilford’s fast travel can be pretty disorienting the first time.”

He squinted his eyes at the man, feeling like he was off,“Didn’t you wear your contacts this morning?”

The man in front of him furrows his eyebrows until something dawns on him and he laughs. Ethan then realizes he made another mistake, this guy wasn’t wearing the tee-shirt and jeans Mark had left the house in, instead donning a striking black suit.

“Sorry for the confusion,” The new ego told Ethan with a big grin, “The names Bim Trimmer,”


	4. Let's go for a walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Doctor, a robot, a pink psycho and now a magic game show host? Sure Why not? Not like Ethan’s day can get much more complicated.

Ethan really could do nothing, but stare at Bim. The game show host was smiling almost too brightly as he pulled back from Ethan.

“I knew Googs said you’d be here today, but I wasn’t expecting to see you so early!” Bim laughed, “Mark usually leaves the studio for last since it can get a bit hectic and…” he trailed off as he noticed how pale Ethan looked as the shorter man’s eyes danced over the studio, “Everything okay, Ethan?”

“Er…” Ethan bit his lip wringing out his hands, “Yeah, mostly. Just Mark told me I shouldn’t be alone without one of the others with me and I don’t exactly trust Wilford yet…”

Bim ran a hand through his hair, in a move so very Mark, understanding dawning on his face, “Wil stole you away without permission! Oh! Okay uhh…” He thought for a minute, fingers tapping against his skull, “I can fix this, yea! I’m sure I can fix this!”

“Can you get Kathryn or Mark up here?” he asked the ego lightly eyes flashing over to where Wilford was setting up the stage.

“Wilford’s almost done setting up,” Bim said shaking his head, “Better to get you out of here before he’s ready to start. How do you feel about a bit harmless of mayhem?”

Ethan couldn’t help but smile softly at the goofy smile spreading on the egos face. It was very similar to the one Mark would get before announcing a new video he wanted to do with them.

“Okay…” He agreed after a second of thought, it seemed like his best option after all, “What do I need to do?”

“I’m going to go over to my podium,” Bim said softly head nodding towards it lightly, “I need you to wait about a minute to come tap me on the shoulder from behind. After that be ready to run out the door directly to your left right now.”

Ethan turned to stare at the door then nodded allowing the game show host to walk off. He tapped his foot a few times counting as he glanced over at Wilford seemed to finish his preparations. He hurried over to Bim and tapped the man as he had been told to. He honestly didn’t expect Bim to jump like he had been shot, a surprised scream ripping from his lips as purple mist swirled around them. The mist exploded suddenly tracing around the stage the props shifting into clouds of living butterflies.

“TRIMMER!” Wilford yelled but Ethan was already sprinting out of the room through the double doors, the game show host on his heels. The young man couldn’t help but wince as he heard gunshots somewhere behind him, but Bim grabbed his shoulder and suddenly his eyes were covered by softly scented purple mist covered his vision and he felt like he was flying before he landed on his knees.

“Sorry, Sorry!” He lifted his head from the lush grass he found himself on to see a sheepish Bim smiling down at him offering a hand up, “I should have warned you before teleporting but I was expecting Wil to pull his gun that quickly and kinda acted on instinct.”

“It’s alright,” He breathed, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet, squinting against the sudden sunlight, “Thanks for saving me back there,”

Bim just smiled and shrugged, “No need to thank me. I’m just doing what Mark and Kat have beat into our heads.”

Ethan snorted, gazing around finding that they were in the middle of a sprawling garden, the wind making the flowers dance as if they held unknown power and energy. The cobblestone path Bim stood on seemed brand new and ancient as if it had naturally formed through the flower beds and lawn. “They really take this stuff seriously, huh?”

“Considering what the others went through?” Bim rubbed the back of his neck with a wince, “Yeah they really wanted your visit to go better than that,”

“Considering I was expecting to go against a bunch of psychopaths, I have to say only being kidnapped away from my babysitter once so far is far better then I was expecting today to go,” Ethan admitted with a weak smile.

“Hey!” Bim protested but paused and shrugged, “okay ya got me. We’re not the best bunch to be around but we’re not too bad once you get used to us.”

“No, you guys don’t seem all that bad- Whoa…” Ethan trailed off as he followed Bim around a curve in the path and took in the tall amalgamation of a building they were heading towards. The first three floors looked like that of a mansion, rich grey stone working, high archways, even windows around the tower-like structures, but after that things looked strange. It was as if wings and even entire floors were just magically attached to the original, most likely elegant building, turning it into a nine-story-tall patchwork of material and windows of all shapes and sizes slapped haphazardly in place. On top of the whole structure was a massive tv broadcast tower, the words “Iplier TV” scrawled on it.

Bim chuckled, smile growing larger, “Yeah that’s most people’s reaction.”

“How the hell did you guys make that?”

“Make it?” Bim seemed confused by the question, “We didn’t make it, it was created when we showed up. Each new addition is for a different ego like the Studio formed when I arrived, and Google’s play area was only added when he came to life.” He explained as he waved towards the bright futuristic wing to their left, bright silver metal glistening in the sunlight.

“Is there anything here that’s not magic?” Ethan moaned, head beginning to ache. Bim gave him an understanding smile.

“Nope! But don’t worry, the house is nice to you as long as you’re nice to them.”

“Them?”

“The Office.”

“The Fucking OFFICE is alive?!”

Bim snorted at the squeak Ethan let out as he swung around to look at the building with wide eyes.

“Well of course! They move rooms around, removes doors, make objects run around to distract people. It’s a madhouse for more than just the inhabitants you know,” 

 

“I wish I didn’t know,” Ethan whined, gazing up at the house with unease. Bim clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey don’t be like that! I said they were nice if you were nice! Just apologize if you spill something and don’t blow anything up and you’ll be higher on her nice list then most of the people in the Office.”

“Doesn’t it get disorienting when the rooms move around?” Ethan asked, “Like ending up on the third floor when you were on the seventh? How do you find your way around?”

“Practice and luck, mostly, “ Bim answered with a shrug, “Plus We label all the floors next to the elevators and stairwells and The Office never move those around.”

“Great, so psychos, robots, magic, and a building that’s sentient and likes moving things around on us. Is that all?” Ethan asked as they resumed their walk. Bim snorted, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth as his shoulders shook.

“Oh boy,” He managed out, making Ethan wince.

“I take that as a no,”

“Not even close,”

“Bim?”

They looked over to where the voice had come from to see another Mark, this one Ethan had no problem placing, making his blood run cold. Red eyes blinked slowly at him as the ego’s skirt swayed as he… she? they? walked closer.

“Yandere,” Bim greeted, “What you up to?”

“Running errands for Dark,” came the response paired with a slight frown, “He wants to see you in his office. He heard about the incident in the Studio.”

Bim flinched, “Great… How much trouble am I in?”

There was a sly smirk before the answer of “He had his violin out,” made Bim pale.

“Whelp… I’m dead,” Bim groaned, before glancing back at Ethan, “I better go meet Dark before he gets even madder at me, you don’t mind if Yan takes you the rest of the way to Mark and the others right?”

Ethan didn’t know why he said, “Sure no problem,” but he regretted it almost instantly. The cold stare that pierced his made him want to flee before he saw if the ego could actually use the sword on their hip as well as the animations made it out to be.

Bim nodded, “Great! I’ll catch up later!” He quickly leaned down and laid a kiss on the side of Ethan’s head making the human sputter and blush, before turning and doing the same to Yandere. Without another word he was gone, leaving Ethan alone with the crazed ego. He tried not to show his fear as the deep red eyes scanned over him again. Instead of starting anything that Ethan feared might be detrimental to his health, Yandere turned with a swish of their skirt.

“Come on, 푸른 소년 (puleun sonyeon),” They called over their shoulder as Ethan scrambled to keep up with the fast pace they set, “누나 (Nuna) and Tyler were in the kitchen a little bit ago so we should be able to find them there.”


	5. Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan really wished he had stayed in Maine now because things are making less and less sense.

The silence was getting to Ethan as he hurried behind the stoic ego.

“I can hear the questions you have running around your head. Just ask them,”

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the harsh tone. Those red eyes were boring holes into him.

“I…um…” He stuttered out, earning an eye roll, “I just really have a couple questions…”

“Ask then”

“What should I call you?” He asked as they entered the stairwell, the sign said  **Fourth Floor**  even though Ethan knew they entered on the first floor.

“Pardon?”

“Just… the fandom calls you Yandere, but do you have another name you prefer?”

The ego looked at him with a small tilt to their head as they started up the stairs, “My name is Yandere, but most just call me Yan. Warfstache will call me Yanny or Dede on occasion but only he and Mark are permitted to call me that.”

“Yan’s a nice name,” Ethan said with a smile, “And what pronouns do you prefer?”

Yan raised an eyebrow as they passed the second floor, “Interesting….”

“Interesting?”

“Most just make their own assumptions about my gender. Since you asked, however, I identify as male, as do the other Ipliers, and use he/him pronouns, as far as I’m aware all of them use masculine pronouns as well. I do however prefer skirts and dresses to pants given the option.”

Ethan just smiled and nodded as Yan stopped and frowned, poking his head out of the stairway door.

“We’re on the seventh floor, we need the second floor,” He sighed, glancing up at the ceiling, “Would you please stop moving us around, Mark would like his underling back.”

“I am not his underling!” Ethan protested. Yan clucked his tongue and started walking down the stairs again.

“So the building is really alive?” Ethan asked only to yelp as the stair under his vanished making him fall slightly.

“They don’t like being called a building,” Yan replied with a bored expression as he waited for him to regain balance, “If you don’t want to be inconvenienced every single time you walk into Their domain, I suggest apologizing.”

“Sorry!’ He offered, patting the wall slightly in what he was a friendly gesture, making his guide snort as he started down the stairs again. Ethan bit his lip and followed, breaking the silence with a quiet question.

“You’re not just called Yandere, you actually are one right?”

“Well, obviously,” the ego answered, rolling his eyes, “ I fill the role of my character as do each of the other egos. My personality and nature simply fall in line with that.”

“…so how murderous are you?”

Yandere’s lip curled back into a sneer, eyes flashing red briefly red, “Depends on the moment I suppose,”

Ethan didn’t flinch, but he might have paled a bit, “So on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being spitting in someone’s food and ten being murdering everyone in the building, how are you feeling right now?”

The ego paused, eyebrows furrowing slightly, “Around…. 5? Maybe a 4…”

Ethan nodded, standing a little straighter as he offered a smile, “Okay, Just let me know if it’s up to a 7 so I can run to get Mark or Kat.”

Yan let out a deep giggle, so close to Mark’s normal laugh but with an undercurrent of something else, “Why on earth was 형(hyeong) worried about you? You  gained confirmation that I’ve killed people and you get comfortable?”

Ethan blushed slightly, shrugging his shoulders, “The others know about your…. Tendencies and yet still talk about you like you’re a really good friend still. I figured as long as you aren’t feeling extra murdery while I’m acting like a complete bozo then I shouldn’t really be afraid of you, right?”

They finally found a landing that Yan seemed happy, with leading Ethan out into the hallway with an almost insulted huff, “There is no way you’re this innocent, or taking it this well, not even Tyler and Wade took it this well and they’ve known Mark most of his life.”

“I’m that innocent!”

“Sure you aren’t 푸른 소년,”

“What does that mean? And hiog…hyeg…”

“형,” Yan corrected, “It means Big Brother in Korean, it’s how I usually refer to Mark. 누나, big sister, is what I call Amy as she and Mark are dating.”

“Korean?” Ethan asked, “I thought you would have been Japanese with being called Yandere,”

He was simply rewarded with a shrug, “Perhaps since Mark is Korean, then I am too, we really have no way of knowing for sure,”

“I guess that’s fair,” Ethan mused, looking questioningly at a door they passed that he could swear he heard violin coming from, but Yan placed a hand on his shoulder and kept him walking.

“Never investigate Violin music,” He warned with a deathly calm that sent a shiver up the spine.

“So if you call Mark big brother and Amy big sister, what have you been calling me?” Ethan offered, hoping to go back to the light conversation.

“푸른 소년,”

“And that means?”

“Blue Boy,”

Ethan rolled his eyes, trying to keep the smile twitching on his lips from showing, “How original,”

“Yandere!” Doc yelled,  appearing from a doorway eyes wide, causing Ethan to jump, “Code Green!”

Yandere’s face hardened instantly, ignoring the fighting and unearthly snarling Ethan could hear coming from behind Doc,  “I’m supposed to get Ethan to another human,”

“No time! Library’s three doors down to the left,”

Yan nodded, grabbing Ethan and slinging him over his shoulder and sprinting down the hallway.

“What is happening!” Ethan yelled as the walls sped past.

“Code Green, it’s not safe for you to be walking around halls until we deal with it.”

Ethan gulped as he was set down in front of a door, “Shouldn’t I get further away if it’s that dangerous?”

“Don’t worry, 푸른 소년,” Yan said, pulling out his katana, “Even in a fit, Anti knows better than to attack the Library.”

“Wait, Anti? As in Antisepticeye? Sean has egos too?!”

Yan didn’t answer him as he opened the door and shoved him through.

“Code Green,” The ego called into the maze of dimly lit rows of books, “I’m leaving Ethan here with you  until it’s over, Host.”

“Host?” Ethan almost whispered as the door was closed making the room even darker.

“So you’re the one everybody’s talkin’ about,”

Ethan nearly jumped out of his skin turning to see a pair of plush red armchairs he had previously missed, an ego seated with his back ramrod straight as he seemed to look into Ethan’s soul despite a thick white bandage covering his eye, or lack of eyes if the theories about the man were anything to go off of.

“It’s pleasure to make your acquaintance, Ethan Mark Darling-Nester,” The Host greeted in a voice that reverberated through the shorter man’s very bones. 


End file.
